Two Soldiers Down
by eventualprocrastination
Summary: What Cordelia experiences moments after she died in "You're Welcome."


White. All around whiteness. Cordelia's hazel eyes fluttered open and she let out a gasp, seeing people lined up before a pair of golden gates.

_Cliche much?_ she thought, then wondering if she was supposed to get in line as well. She hesitated, her fingers fidgeting in front of her. She bit her bottom lip and began to take a step forward when someone behind her cleared their throat.

"Hi Princess."

Cordelia spun around, her mouth slightly agape.

"Doyle?" she wondered, almost in disbelief.

"Don't sound so surprised," he said with that lilty Irish accent of his. The one she had missed so much over the years. "Didn't ya think I'd get into heaven?" he asked with a slight frown.

"No...I mean, no I'm not surprised you're here. I'm just..."

They both took a step closer to each other, he with his hands stuffed in the pockets of the jacket he had died in. She reached out her hand and touched his face. He leaned into the touch, covering her hand with his own.

"Yer just what?"

"Happy," she replied simply. "I missed you."

Doyle smiled taking her hand away from his face and just holding it. "I missed ya too, Princess. An' I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Fer a lot of t'ings. Like, I didn't mean to give ya my visions an' all the pain tha' came with 'em. I mean, if I hadn't kissed ya, you'd probably be livin' right now."

"Are you kidding? I'm glad I had the visions. If you hadn't have given them to me, Angel, the others and me...we'd probably all be dead right now. The visions helped us stop so much evil. It gave me a purpose and...and it kept you close to me. It was my last link to you."

"Still...it shouldn't have had to be...but we can't very well change the past, now can we?"

"Well, the PTB did it for Angel once..." Cordy began with a smirk.

"Oh yeah. The t'ing with him becomin' human an' beddin' his slayer girlfriend, Buffy. An' then he had the Oracles turn back the day...yeah...I remember tha'." He dipped his chin then looked back up at Cordelia. His deep, blue eyes were grim and serious. "I'm still sorry you had to die at all, Princess. I was really hopin' I wouldn't have to see ya fer at least another sixty years or so. I was hopin' ya'd die peacefully of old age, surrounded by yer lovin' husband an' t'ousands of kids an' gran'kids," he added with a rueful smile.

Cordelia laughed. She slowly linked her arm with his as he began to walk beside her. They walked passed the line of people, just to walk around and not yet walking through the gates to heaven.

"I kinda wished that too. But, it's just not how things worked out. The Powers That Be owed me one last favor to make sure Angel got back on track to keep fighting the good fight. To help him realize that the path he was heading down wasn't the path he should be on."

"An' a fine job ya did at tha'. I've no doubt, he'll get back on the straight an' narrow in no time at all, all thanks to you."

"I hope so. I mean, I did what I had to do. To make sure he kept going even if it meant I can't be there to see it."

"Copycat," Doyle chided, nudging her side with a lopsided smile. "Tryin' to steal my thunder, eh? Didn't want me to be the only one who gave up life for the big guy? An' by big guy I'm referrin' to Angel, not, y'know," Doyle gestured to the heavenly gates with his thumbs. "Not the _big guy_."

Cordy smiled. "I know what you meant." She stopped walking and looked him in the face, studying every feature of his that she had missed so much. "I'm sorry, too, Doyle. For never appreciating you while I had the chance. For putting you down. For falling for Angel, even though nothing ever came of it. I mean, I knew you loved me. You had to in order for you to have sacrificed yourself like that."

Doyle's smile disappeared some as he looked sadly into her eyes. "Princess...o' course I loved ya. An' I still do, believe it or not. Death is not the end...fer anything. I never stopped lovin' ya...just missed ya. I even missed yer little sarcastic put-downs, though I knew you didn't mean them. Not truly, anyway. That's why you apologizing isn't needed. There are no more 'I'm sorries' here, okay?" he place a hand on her shoulder, affectionately. "And you 'fallin' fer Angel' is no big deal. It's not like you were cheatin' on me or anything. I'm just happy ya still had each other to lean on fer so long."

Cordelia's hazel eyes searched Doyle's blue ones with such a peaceful stare.

"You know, I..." she began.

"Ya what, love?"

"I could. I can and I...I want to, Doyle. I do."

Doyle furrowed his brow, trying to figure out what in the hell Cordelia was going on about.

"Huh? You could what?"

"Love you," she answered simply. "It's what you said before you died. 'To bad we'll never know if this is a face you could learn to love.' I never forgot those words. They became so ingrained in my brain. A part of me. Permanent...like a tattoo."

His lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but he couldn't form words.

"I'm not the same person I was, Doyle," she continued. "I'm not that superficial, 18 year old bitch you knew in life."

"Cordy," he spoke gently, then a grin growing on his face, but pretending to look surprised. "I never knew ya were 18."

She smacked him playfully. "I'm serious," she smiled. "I've done a lot of growing. I had to. I had to grow up pretty fast. Especially after you left and gave me the visions. It showed me that there's more to the world than just 'me, me, me.' I saw how many people needed help. It changed me for the better and I thank you for that. And because, even though you were physically gone, I always loved you too. Over the years, I missed you so much. I may have had Angel, Wesley, Gunn, Fred, Connor and Lorne...but it was always you, Doyle. Always you in the back of my mind. I always woke up wondering what if you came back? What if the PTB let you live again. Would you be different towards us, or vice versa? Could I tell you that I wanted to be with you...to have a chance to see what _we_ could be like...as a couple?"

Doyle just kept watching her as she spoke, inwardly dying at how everything she was saying was making his heart want to burst with happiness.

"I never got to say goodbye. You died before I had the chance to really get to know you and...and I don't wanna say goodbye anymore." She smiled softly. Sweetly. "Frankly, I've been through a lot of shit, and I just want it to be simple. Nothing complicated. Just..."

"Us?"

Cordy nodded slowly. "Yeah."

"Is it what you really want, Cordy? Yer not jus' sayin' tha' to make me feel all warm an' fuzzy inside, are ya?" he asked, somewhat fearing that she'd say that she was just saying it to make him happy.

"Yes. I want it. I want the chance to be with you," she smirked nudging him like he did earlier, then poking him in the chest with a finger. "You're a good match for me, Doyle, you know that?"

"Well," he began, reaching out his arms to encircle around her waist. "I do now, don't I?"

Cordelia gave him her famous grin that had always made him melt, as he pulled her close against his body and planted a kiss on her lips. It was deep, and passionate and refreshing. When they parted from each other, smiles were plastered over both their faces.

"Not bad for a second kiss," Cordy spoke, breathlessly.

"Well, ya know what they say, Princess. 'Third time's a charm.'"

He kept one arm tightly around her waist and then cupped her neck with his other hand as he pulled her in for another kiss. She placed her hands around his shoulders and returned the passion in his kiss, the two of them standing like that for some time. After they parted once again, they kept their foreheads pressed together, the tips of their noses touching as they looked at each other through their eyebrows. Doyle then lifted his head and glance over at the gates.

"We should go in," he said to her.

She bit her bottom lip. "I don't know if I can."

"Of course ya can. Ya don't hafta be scared, 'Delia."

"It's not that I'm scared. I'm just...nervous."

"Well, don't be," he replied simply, grazing the soft skin of her face with his hand. "I'll be righ' here, holdin' yer hand all the way." He grabbed a hold of her hand with his other hand. With a gentle kiss upon her forehead, he smiled encouragingly. "You'll be jus' fine."

Cordelia nodded as the two of them walked on, side by side. He led her right to the front of the line where none other than St. Peter stood, holding his hand up to Cordelia.

"Please return to you're place in line," came St. Peter's deep, authoritative voice.

"Uh, St. Peter, sir. The girl's wit' me," Doyle insisted. "Surely she's on the top o' yer list or somethin', righ'?"

St. Peter frowned and took a look at his list, running a finger up and down the columns of names until his finger stopped.

"Ah, yes. My apologies, Miss Chase. You're right on schedule. Please, go right in."

St. Peter made a gesture with his hand beckoning to the gates, just as they opened for Doyle and Cordelia. As the both of them began to walk through the gates, Cordelia re-linked her arm through his.

"So, what's heaven like?"

"It's great! I can get as blasted as I want, an' no hangover!"

The last thing heard as the gates closed behind them was Cordelia's laugh.

~FIN~


End file.
